Ever wonder why you don’t accept your partner’s apology? Or why your partner is still upset with you after you apologize? What went wrong?
Back in June, I published “Apologizing With Intention: 4 Reasons Your Apology Didn’t Work” for Goodtherapy.org, addressing this very issue. In fact, the apology gone “wrong” happened right before my eyes in a session with a couple who love each other. But they struggled with creating and accepting an apology.
I emphasize the “love each other” part because even couples who really love each other don’t always know how to create and sustain intimate connection. Apologies hold great and often missed opportunities for intimacy.
Most of the couples that I see still love each other but they feel chronically stuck. Whether they want to resolve a difference, reconnect, communicate, have better, more consistent sex, they struggle to get past the barriers that keep them boxed into their relationship habits and patterns.
Just as I did with this couple in their session, I share exactly what went wrong with the apology in the article. Whether you are someone who feels like your partner’s apology is meaningless or you are “the apologizer” and all is not forgiven, this article is for you.
Here’s an excerpt from the article:
“Recently, I sat in session with a married couple named Dara and Mike. Speaking to one of the issues that brought them to therapy, Dara said, “Every time I tell him I don’t feel like a priority, he tells me it’s not true. Yet, he never spends any time with me.”
Dara began to tear up. I asked her what she felt in that moment. “Lonely,” she responded.
I turned to Mike and asked him, “What is it like for you to hear Dara say this makes her feel lonely?”
He turned to her and said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. That wasn’t my intention.”
Imagine a beautiful song on a record player suddenly coming to a screeching halt. What happened here?”
To read how it went wrong, click HERE.
And by the way, there may be other circumstances influencing where, how and why you might feel stuck in your apology story. Behaviors such as repeat offense or perhaps severe relationship violations might name a few.
In those situations, we would need to dive deeper into finding relationship resolve.
This article specifically examines a missed opportunity for intimacy within a micro moment between a couple. If you are in a relationship, know that these micro opportunities show up daily. Are you seizing the moment?