Q. We want to try something different to break up our routine. He wants anal sex. I’ve really never tried, but I feel like I need to be open to new things. Are there any good tips or resources for beginners?

A. Whether the receiver of anal pleasure is male or female, there are a few basic rules that are important to follow. Because there is a lot to know about how to have fun, healthy and safe anal sex, I have also suggested that you purchase a book (at the end of my response) to help you get started. The book, a video and plenty of practice will offer you the most pleasurable outcomes.

Before getting started, the receiver should always have a rectum that is in good physical health. If the receiver has any pain or physical issues down there, I would not recommend trying anal sex as this will only exacerbate pain.

Give yourselves plenty of time to explore and play. It is important for the receiving partner to be aroused but relaxed. Before diving right in with penile-anal entry, start with a finger. Make sure all nails are trimmed, use a latex glove or condom with plenty of lube and gently insert one finger slowly into the rear.

Consider practicing this for an entire week until the receiving partner feels fully comfortable and relaxed with the whole experience. Then you can move onto inserting larger objects. Consider using different sex toys in graduated sizes before penile insertion to help the receiver become accustomed to larger sized objects.

The most important fact to know is that anal play involves slow, patient play. You should insert and/or remove any body part or object SLOWLY. Let me repeat, all anal play, including the insertion or removal of objects or body parts should occur SLOWLY.

Keep in mind that not all positions and/or angles will feel great so it’s important to experiment with a variety of positions to see which ones work best.

Always use a condom! There are health risks involved in anal play due to the bacteria that live in the rectum. Condoms are key.

Always use lots and lots of lubrication! You want easy glide action, reapply as needed. No matter what, keep it lubed up.

While there is so much more to know about anal pleasure, I have only written the most basic rules here. I would recommend additional reading from one of my favorite go-to sex books, The Guide To Getting It On. This fun, frank book tells you everything that you need to know about sex and has an extensive chapter on anal sex.

I recommend purchasing the book first and reading before trying anything. Educate yourselves!  In addition to it’s well-written chapter, it also recommends some other resources (like which condoms are best for this) and how-to videos. Read it together. I’m sure it will spark other fun adventures for you to explore.

Most importantly, have fun!

This information is for educational purposes only. This post is not intended to be psychotherapy or a replacement for psychotherapy.

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