It seems that since September, life has become a whirlwind.  The start of the school season immediately infused a flurry of activity into our home. My spouse has had to work extra hours each week. My mother’s health declined. The demand of my therapy practice increased.  An emotional meltdown on my behalf would have been expected – but that has not happened. In fact, when I asked my spouse how he has experienced me over the past month and a half, he responded, “Very present”.

My spouse’s increased hours at work translates to extra duties for me at home. I feel very tired on many days. The easiest place I could take out this stress would be with my spouse and kids. Yet, knowing how exhausted my spouse is, I’ve made extra efforts to ensure that upon coming home, he has minimal to take care of outside of himself. He appreciates this of me.

I have noticed that he too has increased his efforts. During his morning routine, he takes care of extra chores for our home and the kids so that I do not have to. He understands the effects of his absence. His time and energy with us right now is less than usual but he does what he can to help and contribute. I appreciate this of him.

Without asking each other to do so, we have been mindful of the other. Although we feel like two ships passing in the night, we have found a way to support each other. This unspoken connection helps us both feel loved by the other, even when time, availability and energy are limited.

While we recognize that our shared time together is always valuable, during these more hectic stretches, it feels almost sacred. Even simple pleasures like our one night a week that we commit to couch snuggling and our favorite TV show feels special. Right now, it fits. It doesn’t require too much of us and we don’t require too much of each other.

I share this with you because I know you live a busy life. Know that you and your partner do not have to lose each other in the mix. Small gestures of kindness, caring, thoughtfulness and mindful loving go a long way. First, you must set the intention to stay connected to each other. Then make choices that support your intentions. Hold reasonable expectations of yourselves and each other. Forgive easily if either one of you loses sight along the way.



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