Years ago, I almost had an orgasm in a restaurant. Well, sort of. I had travelled up to New York City to spend a day with a good friend. After a few hours at the Met, she brought me to a mouth-watering mediterranean restaurant in Greenwich Village.
As we approached the entrance to the restaurant, the host opened the door to welcome us in. The smell of robust sauces and freshly baked bread filled the air. We treated ourselves to olive oil tastings, freshly made ricotta cheeses and pastas, Italian wine from Umbria and decadent desserts.
We moaned in ecstasy with almost every single mouthful. The experience felt so arousing that we began to laugh almost uncontrollably. In hindsight, I think that our laughter offset some discomfort at feeling so sexually aroused in the presence of the other. We joked about each patron in the restaurant experiencing an orgasm right at their tables and that we too, felt nearly orgasmic.
To this day, I can close my eyes and transport myself back into the sounds, smells, sights, textures and tastes of this succulent meal. It was by far one of the sexiest dining experiences I have ever had despite being with a platonic friend. How can such an experience, a meal, be sexy and arousing?
When I ask clients, “how sexy is your life?”, most do not know how to answer the question. So, I break it down further and ask,”what does sexy mean to you?”. Most scramble for an answer. Common responses include “lingerie, a fit body, cleavage, being in shape”. I’m always struck by the narrow vision that so many have as to what qualifies as “sexy”. Most people tie sexiness to the human form.
So, if sexiness only pertains to body parts and clothing, how can this dining experience of mine be so arousing? I challenge clients to consider sexy beyond genital parts, fit bodies and lingerie. Sexiness can be a lifestyle. When you can cultivate sexiness beyond the bedroom, beyond genital parts, you charge up your own sexual energy. Sexiness = Aliveness.
When you practice a sexy lifestyle:
- You feel stimulated, inspired, aroused, ignited and energized.
- You welcome stimulation of all your senses: taste, touch, smell, sound and sight.
- You make room for new experiences and adventure.
- You live from a place of optimism, the glass is always half full.
- You find arousal in even simple experiences like the burst of a strawberry in your mouth.
- You welcome mystery and surprises.
- You completely surrender to pleasure.
Sexiness has more to do with attitude than body parts. It requires an open, welcoming stance to life. Sexiness feels exciting and can emerge in so many different life experiences, like a meal, a walk in the park, a new job, a music concert, a vacation, an art project.
When we consider the word sexy as a holistic, fully embodied experience, we broaden our scope beyond the bedroom. How you show up in your sex life directly ties to how you live life overall.
When you shift how you live your life outside of the bedroom to a pleasure-focused, sensual, passionate lifestyle, you indirectly and absolutely shift the sexual energy inside the bedroom.
Consider how much pleasure you derive out of your own life. What can you shift within you to make it just a bit sexier this year? What can you add to make your life feel spicier?
If it’s been nothing but humdrum, it may take time and repeated practice to find that inner spark within you. I encourage you to do the necessary work, take more risks, wake up to your life! Make the shift. You are so worth it!