In order to support ourselves financially, we work to make money. We take our money each week and deposit it into a bank. When we need the money, we make a withdrawal. It’s a necessity for our most basic needs.

What about long term relationships? What do we need to invest in our relationship to meet our most basic needs? How do we thrive with our partners, mentally, emotionally and sexually?

Meet The Emotional Bank. Your relationship has an emotional bank account that requires many emotional deposits. What do these look like? Some examples (in no particular order) include:

  • attention
  • presence
  • compliments
  • laughter
  • physical affection
  • honesty
  • vulnerability
  • thoughtfulness
  • commitment
  • appreciation

During early courtship, your emotional bank usually overflows! You eagerly and naturally make deposits. But over the long haul, the account tends to fall into overdraft. Overdraft might include:

  • seeking sex from your partner who feels disconnected from you
  • expecting your partner to understand your side of a conflict when you dismiss them
  • seeking attention or compliments from your partner when you have none to offer
  • expecting your partner to accommodate your needs without regard for your partner’s needs

Just like your finances, you fall into emotional overdraft when your withdrawals exceed your deposits. Relationships suffer greatly when this occurs. You cannot expect your partner to give to you, mentally, emotionally and/or sexually when you neglect them.

If you love your partner but recognize your lack of deposits, it’s not too late to regroup and make conscious efforts at feeding their emotional bank. When couples experience an abundance of emotional and physical intimacy, they feel vibrant, connected and fulfilled, even in the most difficult of times.

It’s now one week after Valentine’s Day. Keep the attention to your relationship alive. Share the concept of the emotional bank with your partner. Discuss what makes each of you feel most fulfilled, attended to, wanted, cared for and loved. Then put these ideas into action. Take the time to build up your account and feel rich with connection, joy and love.

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