Carla told me that she felt pain in her abdomen when her boyfriend would “deep thrust” during penetration. The cause: a retroverted uterus
Stephanie said she wants to feel desire for her wife but sexual penetration has always “hurt deep inside”. The cause: endometriosis
Valerie described her sexual experiences as, “it feels like the door is closed when I try to have sex.” The cause: vagnismus
Colleen said, “He can’t even get it in because it hurts so much, it feels like it burns and I don’t want him near me”. The cause: vulvar vestibulitis
All of these women reported low sexual desire and feeling “broken”. They all said, “I tried to talk to my Ob/Gyn but they did not find anything”, or, “My Ob told me I am just tired”.
Two of the four women had experienced painful sexual penetration since their first penetrative experience. No one educated them about what to expect. They grew into adults who assumed that sex is universally painful for women and that sex in general, is an awful experience.
Statistics show that at least 14% of women struggle with sexual pain. Gambescia and Weeks write,
“The pain wreaks havoc on sex. It sets the stage for the development or reinforcement of comorbid sexual dysfunctions, negative sexual attitudes, avoidant and damaging behaviors, relationship discord and declines is self-esteem and mood. These in turn augment the experience of pain”.
If you struggle with pain during sex, you need not suffer anymore. The first step involves getting to the right physician (usually one who works in a sexual pain clinic) to treat the physical issues.
However, treating the physical symptoms does not always resolve issues of low desire. The impact of the pain leaves psychological, emotional and relational scars for both you and your partner.
As you undergo your physical treatment, take things slowly with your partner. Spend time getting to know your own body. Clearly express your sexual needs. Be patient. It takes time to discover your sexual sweet spots.
If you both continue to suffer, you may need additional support. Consider finding a qualified sex therapist in your area. You and your partner deserve a healthy, vibrant, satisfying sex life!