Question: What do we do if we have mismatched sex drives?

This question was submitted by one of our viewers. “Wife with low sex drive, but we can never seem to find a resolution.”

My wife and I have been married 20 years with 3 kids, and I would say that maybe the first 2-3 years of marriage we had a great intimate relationship. After that we seem to struggle with our sex life, I have a somewhat high sex drive and hers has really been getting less and less. This has been the topic of discussion twice with a marriage counselor and once at a marriage class we did at our church.

We try and talk about and it’s the same thing she tells me it’s not me that it’s her, but then she never does anything about it. I have tried asking her to maybe see someone or even reading or research and she never does anything about it. We talk about how I would like her to initiate more and it never happens so then I feel like I can’t or shouldn’t initiate because she will not be in the mood. We both love each other and have a really great marriage minus this one important piece. I’m at a loss because I don’t want to keep bringing it up but she doesn’t want or seem to try and get help.

We maybe have sex once a month and I would love for it to happen more often. I would love for her to initiate sex more often. I start to blame myself in feeling like maybe it’s me. I have asked her to tell me if there is anything I can do differently. I worship the ground she walks on and try to make her feel special, we can have the most romantic evening but when it’s bedtime then she goes to bed watches tv and then falls asleep. Let’s just say she never comes to bed with those intentions. I feel like I am trying really hard to seek help or research different options, and she doesn’t seem to want to. We go for a while with no sex, I shut down or get upset, we discuss it, she apologizes, we have sex usually within a couple days of discussion and then it’s like ok we had sex we are good. And it just starts the cycle over again.

Please if you have any recommendations that would be great.


This video isn’t a substitute for professional therapy and is for educational purposes only.

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