Q. My husband and I have been married almost 12 years and have 4 very young kids. We are best friends and have been since we met. Recently, my husband lost a significant amount of weight and became overall more healthy which I loved. But he also became more distant from me. I uncovered that he was having an emotional affair (text and phone calls only, or so he says) with another woman. We have never had a very active sex life and it’s been way less active with our very young kids. For as long as I can remember he has had issues maintaining an erection which I always attributed to his weight or stress and was very careful to be sensitive about it and not push him for sex. When I discovered the affair he told me he has not been “happy” in our relationship for years and has felt that we are simply best friends, companions, roommates, co-parents. He says he is “not attracted” to me anymore and has no passion for me. I’m devastated. He is agreeing to work on us, but keeps saying things like “you can’t help who you are attracted to”. By the way I am healthy, fit, and good looking. What does this mean and how can I fix this?
For this couple, there is no easy road. This writer identifies a common problem, where one partner expresses a lack of attraction years into their relationship. I’m not surprised that an affair comes along with this story. However, the affair is not the main problem for this couple but a symptom of something much deeper. Can this couple resolve this issue?
Click on the video link below to learn more about how I deconstruct this problem and it’s opportunities for resolve.