Q. Why can I have an orgasm when I get a pedicure but not when I am making love to my husband?

A. My initial response: Have your husband give you pedicures! If only it were that simple. Assuming you go to a salon for your pedicures, like most customers, you probably sit in a vibrating massage chair. So there you are, relaxed, in a vibrating massage chair that is most likely stimulating your clitoris, having someone rub your feet and legs with warm water and lotion – what’s not orgasmic about this event?

Do the same conditions apply when making love to your husband? Meaning, does he rub you all over your body (not just your genitals)? If so, does he use the type of hand and finger pressure that you like? Do you massage each other during foreplay? Use oils or lotions on each other’s bodies in foreplay? Do you incorporate vibrating toys to stimulate your bodies? How relaxed do you get before attempting penetration?

Sex is a whole body experience, right? Your pedicure experience may be due to a combination of the conditions you experience above. However, the foot may also be an erogenous zone for you. Our erogenous zones vary. You and your husband could have fun naming your erogenous zones so that you each know how to stimulate each other’s arousal system.

Remember that your whole body can experience sexual pleasure. Some people report neck kissing can get them to orgasm or a head massage might do it. This is why going beyond the genitals makes for the best sex. Unfortunately, most couples do not take a whole body approach to sex, rather a genitals only approach which can become routine and boring.

Keep in mind that orgasming without genital stimulation is possible but not common. When you practice whole body stimulation, let go of the orgasm goal and focus purely on pleasure.

I invite you to pay attention to your pedicure experience and tune into what you enjoy about it. Then share it (honestly) with your husband. He will most likely become aroused by this story. You can even try to buy videos on foot massages online so he can skill up, get some good quality oils and perhaps a vibrating toy and voila… super sensual, orgasmic experiences with your hubby!

This information is for educational purposes only. This post is not intended to be psychotherapy or a replacement for psychotherapy.

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