Q. After years of being like roommates, my partner and I have rekindled our relationship.

Now I’m apprehensive about falling back into old patterns. What suggestions do you have to keep it interesting for both of us?

A. Congratulations on rekindling the flame of your relationship! Your apprehension makes sense to me but I recommend that you not allow that to become another hurdle to overcome. Be in the moment. In this moment, today, you feel connected. Let the past go, let go of future anticipation, be in the “now” and your apprehension will soften.

As far as keeping it interesting, the sky is the limit! Consistent communication is key – don’t harp on it but check in periodically to ask, “How are we doing?” or sharing, “I love feeling connected to you again”. Share discussions on what you both want, desire, love to receive, love to give, what nurtures you, and how you feel most connected physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and sexually. When feeding all of these dimensions of your relationship, the variety of options keeps the experience fresh and new.

Most importantly, be curious about your partner. Over time, ask a lot of questions – get to  know him/her again. A problem many longterm couples make is they stop asking questions. They think they “know their partner” so well but as individuals, we continuously evolve. Do not assume you know your partner!

Make a pact that if either one of you feels the old patterns emerging, one of you will gently express concern. Agree that if this occurs, you will talk openly about what steps to take to keep connection flowing. Good luck!

This information is for educational purposes only. This post is not intended to be psychotherapy or a replacement for psychotherapy.

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