A few months ago, I remember watching a video of a larger woman leading a dance class focused on sensuality and sexiness. Despite her size and what many might have considered “imperfections”, sexiness poured off of her like syrup on pancakes. Through her sensual dance movements and her own self-caress, she embodied sexiness and self-love. She demonstrated how sexiness has less to do with body size or shape and more to do with self-confidence and self-acceptance.
In our varied physical forms, we all possess sexiness. You might believe that your body must look like a cover model to be sexy. Unfortunately, many of those models don’t feel sexy! I’ve seen too many interviews where they report feeling sick, hungry, depleted and pressured not to eat. They smoke cigarettes to curb their appetite. That is not sexy, it’s sick. It’s important to know the difference.
Like many women, you might focus on your perceived “flaws”… “my legs are too fat”, “my belly has roles”, “I’m bottom heavy”, “my arms jiggle”, meanwhile, your partner wants you and you can’t figure out why. So often, you may reject your partner as a result of your own lack of confidence. Your partner wants to have sex with YOU. Yet your physical hang-ups slow down or stop your sex life completely. It’s a lose-lose situation but it doesn’t have to be.
I’m not saying don’t work out. By all means, exercise! It is healthy and can be sexy when balanced with an overall healthy lifestyle. Obsessive exercise becomes a symptom, not a means to good health.
Sexiness comes from a confidence deep within. The word sexy means sexually attractive or stimulating. Note: sexually attractive, not physically attractive. Your body changes over the years. But your sexual confidence and self-worth take root in a deeper part of you. That deep knowing sustains your sexual health over your lifetime, not your physical form.
In the early stages of a relationship, physical attraction often leads to an active sex life. However, sex over the long-term relationship has less to do with your body and more to do with your personality, your passion for life, your openness and willingness to take risks – the whole you.
If your sexual confidence needs a little boost, practice this affirmation daily:
I love and appreciate my healthy, functional, sexually responsive body as it is.
You do not need a flawless body, face and/or hair to feel sexy. Cultivate the mindset to love your body exactly as you are.