Mindfulness, Stress and Meaning

Mindfulness, Stress, Meaning

This week, I graduated from a Sex Therapy Certification program.  I enrolled in the program back in September. I have grown by leaps and bounds in my clinical approach with clients. I have much to celebrate. But this growth required some sacrifice, personally, professionally and financially.

Growth is never easy. For anyone. Even therapists.  Somewhere along the road toward my certification, I started to drop the balls I desperately tried to juggle. In balancing the demands of parenting, business, family, marriage, household responsibilities and school work, I felt stressed to my max.

Often, we don’t know how stressed we are until things start falling apart, including our bodies. Stress can render one immobile and that’s exactly what began to happen to me, literally.  Stress took refuge in my neck. I could feel the muscles around my vertebrae wound tight like a fist, compressing my bones. I visited chiropractors, tried to squeeze in acupuncture and some basic, inconsistent stretching. Nothing worked.

In addition to that, despite my excitement about my role as student and what the future held for my work, I felt melancholy. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel excited about my birthday.  I snapped at my kids and spouse a bit more, forgot to pay some bills on time and overall felt, well, not my usual self.

As I’ve been checking in with myself over the past few months, I also realized that I had not been living from a spirited place. I’ve been checking off my to-do list. That’s it. Activities that felt deeply meaningful to me took a back seat, including my beloved yoga practice. So while I accomplished many tasks, I did it from an uninspired, un-grounded place.

Yoga has been with me for many years. It has even saved me from depths of deep despair when I’ve had to deal with difficult life events.  When flexible in my body and fully in my breath, I feel most alive. Yoga brings strength, clarity and peace even in the midst of the most distressing events. Yoga brings me back to myself yet helps me see beyond myself. It reminds me of my interconnection to all things.

After much reflection, I am glad to write that I have returned to my source. The beauty of yoga is that it is always accessible to me. All I need is my body…and to show up on the mat. If I had remained consistent in my yoga practice this past year, I would have felt much more ease, flexibility and joy. I forgive myself and start anew.

In an effort to stay committed to my self-care, I have themed my summer, “Rise Up”. I have made a list of what I want to engage in that brings meaning, inspiration and joy to my life. You can bet that an active daily yoga practice takes high priority. My self-care will benefit myself as well as my spouse, children and work.

I am particularly excited to blend the principles of yoga with my recent sex therapy training. A true combination of time-tested Eastern wisdom along with research-based Western methodologies. The possibilities are endless!

How do you bring meaning and inspiration into your life? How do you get in touch with the deepest parts of yourself? How do you sustain this connection when life feels difficult? How do you maintain connection to others when stressed?

Consider these questions. I welcome you to email me your responses. Perhaps you can join me, Rise Up this summer and live from an authentic, inspired place.

 

In every moment you have the time to feel, in every feeling you have the chance to heal and in every person there is the power to feel it“. ~ Bija Bennet, author of Emotional Yoga

Why Rest is Important In Relationships

Why Rest Is Important In Relationships

The to-do list never ends. Family, work, social obligations and more consume our time and energy. Even our “fun” activities can leave us dazed and tired.  Yet as a culture, we keep this pace going. I’m as guilty as any for this lifestyle. During my recent vacation, I had to walk my walk and not just talk the talk.

Of course, the week before vacation felt like a whirlwind.  I had to tie up many loose ends, prepare the business to be closed for a week and pay bills for both work and home. I had to ensure that we had clean clothes to wear, empty out the refrigerator, throw out all trash so we didn’t come back to a smelly home, pack clothes, all kid essentials and much more. My spouse took care of a host of other things. All of this with two kiddos in tow.

But we did it. Eagerly, we drove up to New York and took a boat ride to an island off the coast of Long Island to spend a week at the beach. The vistas and weather were beautiful. The sun shone brightly and felt inviting. Yet, I found my mind still going, despite my relaxed surroundings.

Habitually, I checked my cell phone for texts, messages and emails – even though I knew I changed all outgoing messages to reflect my absence. I attended to two business issues that I did not get to complete while at home. After that, I had nothing else to do yet I kept thinking about work.

Our minds create their own momentum.

Momentum is the product of mass x velocity. Think of a large truck moving at high speed.

It cannot just stop. It requires a significant force to slow it down.

My constant thoughts about work combined with my on-the-go lifestyle felt like that large truck. I could not easily slow my thoughts down just because I was on vacation.

I had to create a resistant force to counter the ruminations.

Once I realized this, I began to take conscious steps to bring my mind to rest.

First, I put the phone down and away.

I still felt the need to go back to it now and again but the frequency decreased significantly.

With our rental home three houses from the beach, I focused on the constant sound of the ocean waves.  I sat in the sun and felt it’s warmth on my skin. I read the novel I brought with me or focused on play with my kids.

I consciously reached out and held hands with my spouse.

To help me slow down, I focused on sensation.

Sensation helped me get out of my head and into my body. The sound of the ocean, the heat of the sun, the touch of my spouse, the joy of laughter with my kids – these began to help me unwind.  I finally became fully present to my vacation.

This experience reminded me that being away from our stressors does not necessarily take away our stress. I was physically away from work but mentally still there.

While “getting away” certainly has it’s value, true rest has less to do with your surroundings and more to do with your application of mindfulness.

 

I take comfort knowing that I can clear out my internal haste and thought ruminations anywhere (including at work and home) through conscious awareness and focus.

Getting away from my familiar surroundings offered me the opportunity to smell the ocean air, hear the seagulls, see the abundant deer and gaze up at a vast array of stars unobstructed by light.

This experience brought me back to nature and grounded me in my spirit. When the week ended, I felt ready to return home – evidence to me that I truly let go while I was away.

If you have the opportunity to get away, go for it, make it happen. But if not, remember that mindfully slowing down over a weekend or a day, or even an hour can have a powerful effect.  Make the effort to help your mind and body rest.

 

As my wise yoga mentor, Rhonda Clarke, says, “Rest is as vital to your health as the the air that you breathe and the food that you eat”.