Q. My husband and I have been married almost 5 years and within the last year the sexual spark has tremendously died down. I have tried initiating sex however he’s non-responsive. I’ve tried talking to him about it and we never come to a solution. I’m really frustrated and feel like I should just give up. Any suggestions????
A. Don’t give up! There’s a quote that says, “Sex is only 10% of a relationship until it stops happening, then it’s 90% of the relationship”. That may be what it feels like right now. In order to bring it back, you must communicate and commit to the process. Remember that sex starts long before you hit the “bedroom”. Couples often flirt and seduce during courtship but once they become familiar with each other, they stop putting in the effort to keep the spark going. Since this has become a more sensitive topic, start small. Offer each other many affectionate non-sexual gestures throughout the day. Do this verbally and physically. Try watching sexy movies together. Turn off phones, computers and TVs and spend quality time together. Talk about what feels good sexually. Make time for each other weekly and be consistent. As you do this, begin to introduce sexual touch such as kissing and full body massages. Just enjoy each other without the intercourse and gradually work your way back full sexual activity. Remember, stay in the pleasure of each other’s touch and let go of the goal.