This is for you whether or not you are in a relationship. If you are in a relationship, think of these steps as a how-to guide to improving intimacy in your relationship. If you are single, think of these steps as a way to spark the relationship you want to create.
If you are proactively trying to educate yourself, like many of my clients, then this framework is for you. This is for anyone looking to overcome typical obstacles and areas that people get stuck when they are trying to make their long-term relationships work – basically when sex becomes complicated.
Improving Intimacy is 3-Fold
Intimacy is a broad subject. There are three main areas to address when we talk about improving intimacy. Think of these areas as touchpoints within the larger topic of intimacy. Breaking intimacy down into a three-part framework helps to create a concrete framework. It simplifies intimacy for you, so you can get to work on nurturing your connection with your partner.
What is your Relationship EPS?
You are familiar with GPS – a system for navigating where to go and how to get to your destination. To navigate where you want to go in your relationship, you need to pay attention to how you nurture intimacy with your partner. This is what I call your EPS.
Intimacy or Relationship EPS breaks down into:
- Emotional Connection
- Physical Connection
- Sexual Connection
3 Steps to Improving Intimacy
Intimacy is not just about sex. Please do not make that mistake. Physical intimacy is just one component of nurturing your connection with your partner. There are three steps to improving intimacy.
- Have emotional conversations with your partner. You do not want to just talk about life management. Make sure to talk about how you feel. I am referring to your emotional reaction to what is happening in your relationship. Whether you are navigating conflict, talking about money or sex, it is not just about the content. The conversation is about the feelings behind the content; that is what makes the difference for nurturing intimacy.
- Make room for touch that does not become sexual. Physical connection specifically refers to non-sexual touch. When touch only leads to sex, someone is going to start shying away from physical touch in the relationship. Reach out to touch a hand, give a hug, share a kiss or a cuddle – with no intention of turning it into a sexual experience. What that touch does is it communicates safety. It builds in a sense of security for the partnership.
- Ask yourself – Am I nurturing my sex life? Am I engaging in it? Am I participating in it? What I want you to think about on a consistent basis is whether you think about sex (if at all). Think about how you contribute to your sexual connection.
All three areas of your intimacy work together. Each of the three steps works together to nurture your intimacy. Think of Relationship EPS like a braid. Each strand weaves and overlaps until they begin to interlock. When the strands work together (in harmony), they produce a beautiful braid (your relationship). When they fray, the braid breaks apart.
