Do you fear intimate love? You’re not the only one. We all want deep connection. Sometimes we even crave it.  Yet, we find ways to block or ignore intimate moments.

Want some examples? Staying single. Spending more time on tech than with our partners. Sustaining chronic conflict. Living in a sexless marriage. I could go on.


Why do we do this? Because intimacy is friggen scary. Pardon the passive “f” word but it fits. In fact, I teach about this in my Intimacy Revival Platinum program. In this 6-month program, couples practice three components of intimacy:

  • Courage
  • Risk
  • Vulnerability

When I created this program, I searched for definitions on vulnerability. Oxford dictionary published one that struck me deeply.

“The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally”

Wow. Did you read that definition??? This helps you understand why you might dance around this topic. On the one hand, you are wise to protect yourself. But watch yourself. You might also prevent yourself from being fully known or loved.

You deserve to feel loved. And you can’t feel truly loved – emotionally, physically and/or sexually – until you surrender into intimacy. One does not exist without the other. I know, hard news to take but it’s true.

Think of it this way. It’s a 5 step process toward intimate love. It looks like this:

5 Step Process of Intimate Love

Step 1: Tap into your courage so that you can take greater intimacy risks.

Step 2: Say yes to risk despite your fears (rejection, abandonment, disappointment, etc).

Step 3: Take risks through the vulnerable act of mental, emotional and sexual transparency.

Step 4:  Use this transparency to create clarity, confidence, closeness and trust.

Step 5: Reap the rewards of full, authentic, honest and whole love.

One thing that I know is this:

Every single person that steps into my office possesses the first step: Tapping into courage. I know that you have courage too. Step into your own courage to create an unbreakable, intimate love.

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