Everyday Love

Just like you might feel that you “should” celebrate Valentine’s Day today, I feel like I “should” blog about Valentine’s Day because I work with so many couples.

So let me say from the beginning that this blog is not about Valentine’s Day.

It’s about everyday love.

• Every day, take some time to express your love through non-sexual touch.  Hug, hold hands, a back rub…

• Every day, explicitly appreciate your beloved.  Say “thank you” to things he/she might do whether it is for you personally or it’s to take care of your shared home or something else.

• Every day, actively listen to your partner’s stories of the day. If you lack the energy, say so, do not just tune out. Table that conversation for another time.

• Every day, share your feelings, even if you feel things that your partner may not want know.

• Every day, make some form of sexual contact with each other. This can be small or large, an extended kiss, a stroke of their genitals, sexy spooning in bed before getting up. This can lead to more, or not.

• Every day, offer your partner a minimum of 1 compliment. Keep it real, do not make it up. He/She will know.

• Every day, be honest.

• Every day, make a mental note of gratitude for your partner on that day. Recognize that you had the gift of another day together, no matter how that day went.

• Every day, practice compassion toward your partner.

• Every day, ask yourself, “How can I be the kind of partner I’d like to have?”

Is it nice to celebrate Valentine’s Day, get flowers and go out to dinner? 

Sure it is. But for some, its effects are temporary, if that, because they don’t cultivate a shared, rich love on a daily basis.

Instead of having such intense focus on Valentine’s Day, strive to cultivate this practice daily.

As someone who is in a healthy, loving, fulfilling relationship for 20+ years, I can tell you firsthand that these statements matter.

You may not do them all on each day but your efforts matter.

Mindfulness matters. Consciousness matters. Gratitude matters.

Cherish your beloved each and every day.