If I asked you how you’re doing, right now, how would you respond? Most of us would respond with this one word, “busy” (two words if we’ve been feeling “crazy busy”). I am right there on that busy train with you. We all wear multiple hats.
Chronic busyness leads to life on auto-pilot, rather than living from intention. Trust me; I get it. Life demands a lot from you. But, are you too busy?
The Power of Choice
When clients report overwhelming, chronic busyness, I ask them – “Tell me. What is it that you like about being busy all the time?” I know, you’re puzzled by this question.
Most of us don’t “like” being chronically busy. Yet, we live our lives as if it’s not a choice. My question attempts to really test the idea that busyness is a fate and not a choice.
I know that for a lot of people, myself included, busyness doesn’t feel like a choice. However, we all have to take a step back and recognize that we’re the authors, the creators, of how we live our lives.
Busyness robs us of mindful, intentional choices. We stop practicing conscious decision making. Somewhere along the way, we start equating busyness with value – as in, I’m only valuable when I’m busy when I’m “doing”.
You might say that our culture predisposes us to this addiction, an addiction to chronic busyness. Busyness serves as a great distraction, from disconnection, loneliness, sadness, anxiety, despair, disappointment and more.
So, the question is – Are you too busy? If you’re crazy busy, all the time, do me this one favor – take a moment to stop. Be present in this moment with me and read this post to the end. You actually have the power to choose how you live your life.
Are You Too Busy to Enjoy Your Life? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself
Chronic busyness is a result of patterns of living that, ultimately, leave us feeling stressed out. Busyness becomes a lifestyle. There are many reasons why this may be happening, but I want you to find your reason for why you are “too busy”.
Asked yourself these three questions:
- Am I living mindlessly, or am I living a mindful lifestyle?
Mindfulness is about paying attention. When you apply this to your life, you are practicing a mindful lifestyle. If find yourself losing focus of what is important or falling out of the present moment, you need to ask yourself, “Am I paying attention to the choices I am making, or am I living by default?”
- Is my busyness an attempt to keep up with everybody else?
If you’re busy proving that you can do it all, just like everybody else seems to be doing, then maybe you’re questioning your own value. You think, if I can’t keep up, then that says something about me and my worth. There must be something wrong with me if I can’t keep “doing” like everybody else keeps doing. (Meanwhile, these people are suffering just like you as a result of all that busyness.)
I want you to think about where that comes from for you. How is busyness tied up in your self-worth? And, how can you find value in who you are, not what you do?
- Are you living according to your own rules or someone else’s rules?
Maybe, for you, it’s that you aren’t living according to your own rules and you’re living according to someone else’s rules. I call this the “shoulds.” I should do this, or I should do that. I should bake that dish, or I should go to that event. It’s what comes from subscribing to someone else’s idea of what life should look like, not your own.
We don’t have to operate under the illusion that “if everyone else is busy, I should be busy too”. In actuality, yes, everyone’s is busy. In reality, most are suffering from their chronic busyness.
Today, I want you to practice extra care, extra mindfulness, extra intention in how you choose to live. Ask yourself, Am I too busy? If the answer is yes, then these three follow up questions will give you the answers you need. Let the introspection guide you in being purposeful in your choices and knowing your limits.
A wise person knows their limits. Don’t overstretch yourself (your budget, your diet, your work-life balance) and get left feeling empty. Busyness robs you of fulfillment. The good news is that you have a choice in how you want to live your life. You have a say in how you live. Now, go live your best life!
Love. Live. Better
At the Center for Intimate Relationships, we want to help you help love and live better! We used to say live and love better, but shouldn’t it be love and live better? Because when you’re in a loving relationship, when you’re in alignment with your partner, life is better. Life is more manageable. You feel like you can conquer anything…No matter what life throws your way.
Let’s make love the primary focus. When we do that, we all know that we are living better.
