couple laughing

Is Your Relationship Boring?

During the pandemic I had to confront reality about myself… and my marriage. “I” and “We” were boring. Sure, the pandemic limited the world in many ways.

But I couldn’t use the pandemic as a scapegoat. I personally teetered on the status of “bored, flat and uninteresting” for a bit of time. As my spouse and I often tell our young boys, “If you’re bored, it’s because you’re boring”.

Sure I’ve worn many hats in life and accomplished many goals. But most of my “interests” hovered around work activities and parenting life. I didn’t seem to have anything for or about me, or just for having fun.

Nurturing a career and all-in parenting can consume anyone. It’s easy to lose sense of self under the demands, responsibilities and goals of both.

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How To Know If You Are Boring

For one, I found that I talked about the same subjects all of the time. I didn’t seem to have anything new to offer to a given conversation. I also didn’t have any real hobbies. I wasn’t venturing out into the world in new ways. 

My life consisted of getting up, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, going to bed, and repeating it all the next day. Weekends consisted of chores and Netflix. 

Then the pandemic came along and magnified my boring status. Only this time, it also included stress, despair, uncertainty, and anger. 

And worse, my dull and ho-hum status bled into my marriage. We were both on a path of monotony that required emergency attention!

As a relationship, marriage, and sex therapist, I’m all too aware of how boredom and monotony can zap the energy and spark out of an intimate relationship. In fact, it’s one of the reasons I’ve created private, online programs for couples to get their spark back. 

I’ve managed to get myself out of the “boring” rut. And I started this BEFORE the pandemic ended. Before I share some of the ways I transformed from boring into interesting and hence breathed life back into my life and marriage, let’s better understand what’s required to get there. 

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bored couple

How To Transform From Boring to Interesting

Shifting from boring to interesting requires you to evolve, expand and grow. My own experience felt like a static state of being. Unmoving, without action and flat.

Before you can take concrete, tangible steps to become more interesting, you have to recognize and admit “I’m pretty darn boring” and actually want to be more interesting. Be willing first. Then commit to a few key steps below.

Benefits to Becoming a More Interesting Partner

Let’s look at how your efforts to shift into a more interesting person benefit your intimate relationship.

Some of the benefits to amping up your interests include:

  • Becoming more attractive to your partner through your personality and pursuits
  • Bringing renewed energy into your everyday life
  • Creating space between you and your partner to allow for individual interests
  • Having new conversations together that stem from all of your new pursuits
  • Looking forward to seeing each other after having had time apart
  • Engaging in new shared activities together to add spice and adventure to your love
  • Making new friends and contacts that you could meet up with, separate or together
  • Creating new opportunities for you personally and as a couple

Relationships function best when we breathe new life into them. The paradox of love is that committed relationships draw partners into each other so closely that you forget to individuate and engage with the rest of the world. Instead, you become each other’s worlds. And yet…

Healthy love needs each partner to be both separate and together. It requires that each partner strive to stay interesting. That means nurturing your individuality within the context of being a couple. And trust me, there is plenty of room for attention to both.

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