Have you ever worried about falling “out of love”?
Partners will tell us, “I’m just not ‘in love’ anymore”.
In love. Out of love.
Do these phrases simplify our complex human experience? Do they influence our perspective of love to be all or nothing? You either feel it or you don’t, and by the way, it’s temporary…?
Current research tells us that a predictor for divorce is not infidelity, lack of romance, financial stress, or co-parenting differences.
It’s a lack of love.
Yes, life happens. But conflict between partners arises when they decrease their emotional expression and intimacy, positive regard for each other and demonstrations of caring. Couples can live in that love-less state for years.
Research from the Gottman Institute shows us that on average, couples will wait at least five years before they reach out to a relationship therapist for help.
In the words of playwright Jean Giraudoux, “If two people who love each other let a single instant wedge itself between them, it grows – it becomes a month, a year, a century; it becomes too late.”
So what does it take for a couple to achieve and sustain love for the long haul?
Lucky for us, research shows us specific ways we can make our love sustainable.
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