The Spiritual Divorce

Unfortunately, many couples experience divorce before they actually formally divorce.  

Divorce is often the result of a silent separation that happens over many years. It creeps in slowly and quietly. No specific trauma required. 

In fact, it can happen when couples don’t practice the most fundamental aspects of loving:

  • Intimacy – genuine care for the welfare of the other, mutually sharing thoughts and feelings, being supportive, practicing empathy
  • Passion – demonstrating attraction, desire and physical connection through affection and sexual exchanges
  • Commitment – attending to the relationship in a conscious, mindful way on a consistent basis

It all comes back to this article where we learned about Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

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No Communication.
No Time Together.
No Touch.
Sex Feels Like a Chore.
Roommate Status. Complacent.

Strengthen your relationship with this simple-to-follow, therapist-created program. 

Through our go-at-your-own-pace course, you can take as much time as you need to work through the guided exercises and LoveSheets.

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couple sad on couch

Are You in a Spiritual Divorce?

In her book, Learning to Love Yourself, author Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse offers the following symptoms as signs that you may be in a spiritual divorce:

  • Habitual sadness in the couple – low energy
  • Mutual sentiments of boredom and emptiness
  • Indifference to each other’s problems or dreams
  • Frequent coldness or avoidance in sexual encounters
  • Lack of small courtesies and politeness
  • Climate of mutual distrust
  • More confidence in someone outside the relationship than with each other
  • Communication routine and superficial
  • Frequent feelings of being alone or misunderstood
  • Insults and sarcasm and a discomfort with healthy anger
  • Much avoidance and little confrontation
  • Overbusy and chaotic social or professional life
  • Loss of capacity for play and joy
  • An atmosphere of the “violence of silence” in the home

Notice how many behaviors from this list tie right back to the Triangular Theory of Love.

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sternbergs theory of love