Healing After Infidelity and Betrayal

We see lots of couples in the practice because of infidelity, affairs, cheating and/or betrayal.

In these deeply painful experiences, couples not only struggle with the most fundamental concept of commitment but also with attempting to maintain their love during their crisis.

When Ashley Madison was hacked in 2016, an interview on NPR revealed that affairs occur in at least 20% of all marriages yet other reports state affairs occur in at least 60% of all marriages.

Most couples have no map, no fallback plan, no direction on where to go once the affair is discovered or revealed.

“NPR revealed that affairs occur in at least 20% of all marriages yet other reports state affairs occur in at least 60% of all marriages.”

If you’ve experienced infidelity or betrayal, the pain endured by both of you can feel insurmountable.

Restoring commitment in its most fundamental sense can feel nearly impossible for you.

Yet, with attention, intention, effort, and patience, we’ve seen couples move from near divorce to complete healing.

Couples may seek therapy at different stages of this journey.

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No Communication.
No Time Together.
No Touch.
Sex Feels Like a Chore.
Roommate Status. Complacent.

Strengthen your relationship with this simple-to-follow, therapist-created program. 

Through our go-at-your-own-pace course, you can take as much time as you need to work through the guided exercises and LoveSheets.

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Here are some examples of when partners contact us:

  • One partner suspects the other is cheating. Rather than sit alone with his concerns, he’ll use therapy as a means to explore what to do and how to handle it.
  • One partner is on the brink of having an affair or actively having one. She’ll use therapy to try to gain clarity about her conflicted feelings.
  • A betrayed partner discovers an affair and experiences a crisis of emotions. Feeling total devastation and loss, she’ll immediately seek out couple’s therapy for guidance.
  • A betrayed partner cannot get past a previous affair discovery. It may be years later and the couple struggles to move on. They may schedule for themselves to see how they can “get past” what happened.

Transparency, Accountability and Time

Initially, it will be important for couples to practice transparency and accountability.

If you are the betrayed partner, you hold a whirlwind of emotions that must be expressed.

Critical to healing, you’ll need to express your anxiety, anger, fear, disappointment, shock and overall devastation.

It’s natural for you to ask questions about the affair, remain suspicious for a period of time, and to question everything.

If you are the involved partner, you must hold yourself accountable for the decision to step outside the relationship, even if you feel justified in doing so.

You may have your own separate emotional experience that can also include fear, sadness, desperation, relief and concern.

It’s natural for you to avoid answering questions but you cannot avoid all questions.

Most importantly, you’ll both need to value time.

Time will help you move out of a crisis state, develop insight into your relationship and possibly envision a future together.

“Time helps couples move out of a crisis state, develop insight into their relationship and envision a future together”

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