Relationship Maintenance

I recently received a call from a former couple that I worked with. They said, “Can we come back in for a few sessions? We need a tune-up!”

Relationships require a certain level of maintenance. Just like a car requires standard maintenance a few times a year, well, your relationship does too.

Unfortunately, so many couples misconstrue this reality. 

Have you ever had thoughts like this?

Here is a list of mistaken beliefs that many couples think when it comes to relationship maintenance and nurturing:

  • If we have to work at it, then something is wrong.
  • I shouldn’t have to tell him what I need, he should just know!
  • Sex should just happen, we shouldn’t have to talk about it.
  • She should know I love her, why should I have to say it all the time?
  • Isn’t it obvious that I appreciate what he does?
  • Why do I have to thank him for picking up the kids? He’s supposed to do that.
  • We’ve been together 30 years, isn’t it clear that I’m not going anywhere?
  • We have sex at least once a week, clearly she’s satisfied.
  • Yes, I work late a lot but he understands.  If he was unhappy, he’d tell me.

Do you see the pattern here? 

These simple statements show us a series of common thoughts that can become relationship poison.

Let me show you what lurks beneath them.

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No Communication.
No Time Together.
No Touch.
Sex Feels Like a Chore.
Roommate Status. Complacent.

Strengthen your relationship with this simple-to-follow, therapist-created program. 

Through our go-at-your-own-pace course, you can take as much time as you need to work through the guided exercises and LoveSheets.

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word belief under magnifying glass

Mistaken Beliefs and What They Mean

  • Doom and Gloom

The misbelief that working on the relationship equates to dysfunction. Quite the contrary. When a couple attends to their relationship, they’re demonstrating that they value each other. As a result, they increase communication, connection, caring and intimacy. 

  • Mind Reading

The belief that your partner should “just know” what you think, how you feel and what you need in a given situation. Unfortunately, mind-reading leads to misunderstandings, confusion, dissatisfaction and poor communication. 

  • Sex as Spontaneous and Mutually Satisfying

The belief that sex should happen effortlessly and that couples don’t need to talk about sex. This ignores the natural ebb and flow of sexuality, prohibits you from becoming more sexually intimate and doesn’t allow you to learn more about what turns your partner on or off. 

  • Assumptions

You know the saying about assuming… “assuming make an “as”s out of “u” and “me”. Assumptions weaken a couple’s communication, often leading to conflict, fighting, a sense of rejection and neglect. 

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sternbergs theory of love