Why you need to makeout with your partner…
I’m obsessed with this video, First Kiss. Not surprisingly, it went viral when published on YouTube. I admit that I’ve watched it several times and have been swept into it’s magic each and every time. I notice that when I watch it, I’m relaxed yet a bit nervous. I’m smiling. My heart melts a bit and overall, I feel dreamy.
I realize that we may all attach different meanings to the act of kissing and to this video. For me, this video represents connection, courage, risk and ultimately, the release of fear. This clip captures the process of moving toward intimacy.
In my work, I see a repetitive pattern amongst those who struggle in their sex lives. Lack of foreplay. Many couples report that they jump into bed, fondle each other’s genitals and within 5 minutes, start some form of penetration. Is it any wonder that they feel disconnected, dissatisfied and that one or both partners has lost sexual desire?
This video allows us to watch intimacy unfold. These strangers begin with an awkward stance, uncertain of when to start kissing, even verbalizing the “awkward moment” before a first kiss. Through their giggling, bowed down heads and shuffling of feet, they reveal anxiety and anticipation. They don’t just dive into it.
Once they cross over that invisible boundary and touch lips, they become magical. They cradle each other’s bodies and heads, some grab and pull each other. We see a tender lip bite, loving caresses, whole-body engagement – all from a kiss.
As the video comes to an end, these strangers pull away softly, seal their experience with a double smooch, a head or hand hold or sustained eye contact. Some look away, giggle and wonder what to do next. It’s almost as if they regressed to the innocence of their early sexual experiences.
Finding your way back to intimacy can feel a little daunting.
Especially if it’s been a while.
We’ve got it all mapped out for you.
And it doesn’t have to be hard, too serious or even feel like work!
Intimacy Insiders is a private online subscription for couples looking to get their spark back.
Your Spark. Your Mojo. Your Va-Va-Voom!
Do you remember your very first romantic kiss in life?
I can remember three distinct experiences. My very first was a peck on the cheek in 1st grade. The giggling on the playground seemed infinite. The second was in 7th grade. I remember it as sloppy, awkward and not enjoyable, although for some reason, I went back for more. The third was with my spouse – a magical, sweep-me-off-my-feet, don’t-ever-let-it-end, fall in love kiss.
When two people allow themselves to fully engage in their kiss, the power of this meeting cannot be matched. For some, kissing is better than sex. Even Julia Robert’s had a rule of no lip-kissing with her sex customers in the movie Pretty Woman. Kissing made the sex experience intimate, not intercourse.
In The Guide To Getting It On, author Paul Joannides wrote, “Another reason for the added power of kissing is so many of the major senses have their outlets on the human face. There are vision, smell, hearing and taste, and the lips and skin are exquisitely sensitive to touch”.
For those of you who have pushed kissing to the back seat of your sexual experience, it’s time to bring it front and center. In fact, I highly encourage you to only kiss. Have full on make out sessions. Kiss passionately in all rooms of your house, outside, in the car, on the street, in an elevator, wherever your lips travel in a given day.
Juicy, luscious kisses will bring your sex life renewed energy. So, so sexy.
ADDENDUM! After posting this blog, I learned that this video was actually an advertisement for a clothing company. Clearly, I was fooled! However, I think the actors and models really captured the essence of a magical kiss. They beautifully transform awkward into magical. I still hold onto my view on kissing. It doesn’t happen enough. It’s a powerful form of sexual expression, communication and foreplay. And yes, it’s incredibly sexy!