Should you schedule Sex? Part Two….
In Part One I talked about the misconceptions associated with scheduling sex with your partner. READ Part One HERE. In this post, I want to share the important tips for having the conversation about scheduling sex and how you can make this activity a success!
Scheduling sex could be a great option for you but there are a few ground rules to help you factor in the inevitable interruptions and life’s monkey wrenches.
Before you begin picking dates and mapping out the schedule, you and your partner should have a compassionate conversation about what you both consider to be the frequency to be intimate.
If your libidos are mismatched, this conversation isn’t about who wins and gets it as much as they want, rather it is about compromise.
Rarely do we see partners who have the exact same sexual appetite. If you and your partner’s drive are different here are the most important ideas to keep in mind.
- This is about making your relationship BETTER and INCREASE CONNECTION, not about creating pain, frustration or picking a fight.
- If your conversations about sex frequency have gone sideways in the past, step back and think about why? Your goal is not to set off those triggers again. If you both feel like the conversation will be too difficult, it might be a good idea to work with a professional therapist.
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So, if you are both on the same page about scheduling sex, here are a few of the rules to keep in mind.
- You each get one ‘pass’ for any reason at all once a month.
- If something completely unexpected comes up and you just can’t muster the mojo for sex — plan to cuddle for at least 20 minutes. There’s always time to cuddle. BUT don’t use the cuddle card too often.
- Decide what counts as sex as a couple. Does it only count as sex if full penetration has occurred? What constitutes sexual intimacy for you and your partner?
- If you get a little frisky on a date that wasn’t scheduled, GOOD…but it doesn’t count as your scheduled time. Consider that a bonus 😉 or if you feel like you can’t make a scheduled date and the impromptu date makes up for it, just make sure your partner knows so they can manage their expectations.
- Pick your schedule and stick to it for 30 days and then re-evaluate. Look at how many cuddle cards, interruptions, and passes were used and together discuss how you both feel about that. Maybe you were too aggressive in your frequency? Maybe you didn’t use any passes and found that you wanted to be intimate more often. After thoughtful review, schedule your next month and see how it goes.
So, should you schedule sex?
We say yes…if it means that you are carving out time to be intentional with physical affection and intimacy.
Keep the objective in mind that increased intimacy and connection are the goals and you’ll be on the right track for scheduling sex.
Did you read part one of our series on Should You Schedule Sex? If not, click here to read how to overcome possible objections.