We Can’t Communicate
No matter what issue couples present in therapy, 97% of them will cite communication as a core problem in their relationship.
In a recent post, I shared that the #1 predictor of divorce is a lack of love.
When the “in love” phase of your new relationship energy slows down and brain chemicals like norepinephrine, dopamine, and endorphins decrease, you can find yourselves suddenly bickering or not seeing eye to eye on issues that never bothered you before.
Your communication styles break down.
You react instead of respond, lose sight of the good in your mate and create emotional wounds.
When you stop caring, stop expressing your feelings, and no longer hold each other in high regard, you live in a love-less state.
You literally love less.
Your Intimacy Dance
This often shows up in what you say or don’t say, in your eye contact or lack of, facial expressions, breath patterns and tone of voice.
In couples therapy, we help couples see their unique intimacy dance and how it affects their ability to love.
This includes learning about who tends to lead, follow, control, be aggressive or passive, pursue or distance, shut down, withdraw and so much more.
In fact, this chart highlights skills we help couples avoid along with teaching them what they can do instead to help make their intimacy dance more fluid, connected, and loving.
10 Communication Skills for Couples
Conduct an honest assessment on yourself.
Mark the behaviors on the left-hand side that you know you might do and practice the suggested behavioral changes on the right.
Healthy intimacy requires strong communication skills.
As you can see from the chart above, the skills are not mysterious or complicated.
They’re not vague or abstract.
They are concrete, tangible, do-able behaviors that you can start to practice right away.
Remember, a series of small right actions can heal emotional wounds and course-correct most relationships.
Far too many couples fail to learn basic skills that can transform their relationship.
With simple behavioral changes, you can stop hurting each other and start to feel alive and happy again.
Good communication skills help you create high levels of relationship clarity, connection and satisfaction.
What resources do you use to help you be a strong, clear communicator? What skills do you use to tune in and listen well?
How do you remember to practice “loving”, consistently?
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