Your sex life doesn’t sit in a vacuum. In a long-term relationship, good sex is dependent on many things. If there is any part of you that thinks sex should “just happen” – organically, naturally, fluidly, spontaneously, at will – well, you will be sadly disappointed.
I wish it was that simple. Can sex happen that way? Absolutely… sometimes. Which means that at other times, it takes conscious work. My question for you is – Are you willing to do the work?
When you create life together, you grow beyond the role of lovers. You become life partners. You might be business partners. You may even opt to become parents. And, you wear many hats in between. But somewhere in your journey, you begin to separate your sexuality. It’s as if it becomes a separate entity, disconnected from all of the roles you play.
Remembering that your sexuality is part of you, part of your identity while you play all of those roles in life, is key to stoking the fire from within. Paying the bills, shopping for food, or giving your child a bath does not erase your sexuality.
The problem is that you become disassociated and disconnected. You disassociate from that part of yourself. You disconnect from the fact that you’re a sexual being. But, guess what? It’s there. It’s within you. It hasn’t left.
Conflict in your relationship can also cause a disconnect. Unresolved wounds, disagreements, absences, sexual incompatibilities, and more can make sex awkward, uncomfortable, and unwelcome. Working through relationship difficulties can lead to a better sex life but even that is not a guarantee.
A Day in Our Office
Here are 10 typical scenarios we see in our office that leave couples with a lackluster sex life:
- The couple feels stressed out by life
- One partner wants more sex than the other
- One or both partners have had affairs
- The couple struggles with parenting challenges
- The couple holds different marital expectations
- One partner is depressed or anxious
- One partner is a functional alcoholic
- One or both partners have body image issues
- One partner is struggling with a sexual dysfunction
- One partner has a previous sexual trauma
Why is Sex So Complicated?
Well, because it just is. As you can see from this list, some issues tie directly to sex but not all of them. Yet, sex is impacted by all of them.
Our therapeutic approach allows us to take on a holistic lens and bird’s-eye view when addressing your struggles; so that together, we can create the right solutions for your relationship and sex life.
But, it takes some work. As we work through the issues, obstacles, or disconnects that you feel, we also cultivate sex-positive energy, vibrancy, and excitement for your future sex life. Because it can be better. At some point, what feels like work actually starts to feel like fun!
If you want to dive right in, here’s how to get started…