21 Cheap and Thoughtful Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day

What keeps long-term relationships alive?  Novelty. New experiences. Stepping outside of your typical box. This does not require expensive gifts! Let love and affection lead your celebration of romance this Valentine’s Day.

Some of the ideas below are not rocket science. But I guarantee you probably don’t do them. Why? Because they are stupid-simple. We tend to over-do, over buy, over think Valentine’s Day.

Remember, this day is not about expensive gifts. It’s about thoughtfulness, consideration, love, affection, and attention towards the one you love.

Below you will find 21 ideas on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day without spending lots of money. Remember, meaning and thoughtfulness go much farther than lavish gifts. Here’s what you can do for the one that you love:

21 Ideas On How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day

  1. Make breakfast in bed
  2. Retell the story of when you first met, highlighting what made them “the one” for you
  3. Make a list of all the ways their presence in your life makes your life better and share it with them
  4. Begin and end your day with a one minute, heartfelt hug
  5. Send a love letter through snail mail
  6. Turn on music, grab your partner and dance in your kitchen
  7. Frame your favorite picture of them (just your partner, not a couple’s picture) and tell them why you love that one
  8. Frame a favorite picture of the two of you
  9. Hide little candy hearts in different places so that your partner finds them throughout the day
  10. Reminisce about your wedding day and tell your partner the one memory you have of them that you love from that day
  11. Give your partner a head to toe massage
  12. Make a homemade Valentine’s Day card
  13. Try to cook a fancy dinner together
  14. Feed your partner a favorite dessert (it’s okay to laugh throughout, in fact, I encourage it)
  15. Leave a card on their car windshield so that it greets them in the morning
  16. Surprise them with a bubble bath, just for them, with candles and champagne
  17. Bake a cake together
  18. Make a music playlist (their favorites, romantic songs, pick your theme)
  19. Turn off technology for the night or for a weekend, play games instead or turn in early and spend time having pillow talk
  20. Send an affectionate text several times that day with kissy face emoji’s and hearts
  21. Rent or stream their favorite movie, one you know they can watch over and over again (key: watch it with them!)

As you can see, it doesn’t take much to bring a little fun into your Valentine’s Day. If you can’t swing these things on a weekday, table your celebration for the weekend and tell them how much you look forward to that time together.

Sweet little somethings. Creative. Fun. Easy. Thoughtful. Loving.

Lessons on Romantic Love This Valentine’s Day

Lessons on Romantic Love

If you haven’t caught this sweet, super short love story called “A Romance That Started With a Mistake”, recorded for StoryCorps, then click the link to listen and come back to this post. I’m struck by how Bill and Claudia touch on key elements on what makes a relationship strong.

In less than three minutes, this couple highlights the following:

Feeling “Flustered” and “Tingly”

Do you remember those days? Think back to the time when you first met your love. Did you get butterflies in your stomach? Did your face feel hot? Did you find yourself breathing differently or stumbling over your words? Your emotions of love and sense of attraction registered physically in your body. What do you remember feeling in your body when you first met? Share this memory with your partner.

“You Made Me Happy”

I love how Bill shares his vulnerability with such ease. How often do you let your partner know how happy they make you? Does your conversation focus more on what is wrong with them? Is there room to acknowledge those moments where your partner brings you joy, contentment and happiness?  Consider those moments and let your partner know.

“You Were Still You”

Claudia shares how despite Bill’s physical disability, she saw him as a whole person. How often do you criticize your body or that of your partner?  Whether due to aging, childbearing years, disability or dysfunction, how often do you only see parts of yourself and not your whole self? This couple highlights how love and attraction are more than skin deep. Consider what physical and non-physical traits attracted you to your partner, then and now. Think of how meaningful it could feel to them to know this. 

“Enduring Traits”

Claudia openly shared what she admires about Bill.  What do you admire about your partner? How many qualities can you name? How often do you take the time so say, “Hey, you know what I love about you, I love how you _______.”. Think about how impactful it would be to acknowledge those specific traits that you admire most of all. How special would your partner feel if they knew you thought so highly of them?

“We Put Us First”

Bill acknowledges how Claudia put their relationship first. No matter what. As a result of this, many years later, they still sound madly in love with each other. Best of friends. Lovers. How often do you make your relationship top priority? What might you both need to shift so that you can spend more time attending to the love between you?

“What are you hoping for us in this final chapter?”

Bill and Claudia look to their future. Bill made a joke, where he may be partially or wholly serious, but I have no doubt that they deepen this conversation. By asking this question, Claudia shows us how she holds conscious, intention-setting discussions. She is committed to him and together, they look to their future and see each other in it. What would the answer be if you and your partner were to answer the question, “What are you hoping for us in our future together?”

***

In less than three minutes, Bill and Claudia showed us what intimacy looks and feels like.

They allowed themselves to be vulnerable by freely expressing their physical attraction and admiration for one another, demonstrating transparency, confirming the priority of their relationship, and looking to their future together.

Research teaches us how important it is for you, as romantic partners, to have a solid base of friendship.

We also know that intimacy requires your vulnerability – the ability to say, “I need you”, to let your partner see you fully and to verbalize what you love about them more than merely focusing on where you struggle. 

We also know that tending to your relationship requires attention, commitment and love.

Thanks to StoryCorps, Bill and Claudia can inspire us all to deepen our connection to our most cherished partners, this Valentine’s Day and always.

10 Tips for Your Everyday Love

Everyday Love

Just like you might feel that you “should” celebrate Valentine’s Day today, I feel like I “should” blog about Valentine’s Day because I work with so many couples.

So let me say from the beginning that this blog is not about Valentine’s Day.

It’s about everyday love.

  • Every day, take some time to express your love through non-sexual touch.  Hug, hold hands, a back rub…
  • Every day, explicitly appreciate your beloved.  Say “thank you” to things he/she might do whether it is for you personally or it’s to take care of your shared home or something else.
  • Every day, actively listen to your partner’s stories of the day. If you lack the energy, say so, do not just tune out. Table that conversation for another time.
  • Every day, share your feelings, even if you feel things that your partner may not want know.
  • Every day, make some form of sexual contact with each other. This can be small or large, an extended kiss, a stroke of their genitals, sexy spooning in bed before getting up. This can lead to more, or not.
  • Every day, offer your partner a minimum of 1 compliment. Keep it real, do not make it up. He/She will know.
  • Every day, be honest.
  • Every day, make a mental note of gratitude for your partner on that day. Recognize that you had the gift of another day together, no matter how that day went.
  • Every day, practice compassion toward your partner.
  • Every day, ask yourself, “How can I be the kind of partner I’d like to have?”

Is it nice to celebrate Valentine’s Day, get flowers and go out to dinner? 

Sure it is. But for some, its effects are temporary, if that, because they don’t cultivate a shared, rich love on a daily basis.

Instead of having such intense focus on Valentine’s Day, strive to cultivate this practice daily.

As someone who is in a healthy, loving, fulfilling relationship for 20+ years, I can tell you firsthand that these statements matter.

You may not do them all on each day but your efforts matter.

Mindfulness matters. Consciousness matters. Gratitude matters.

Cherish your beloved each and every day.